Two men waiting at the pearly gates strike up a conversation. "How'd you die?" the first man asks the second. ... ... "I froze to death," says the second. "That's awful, how does it feel ... to freeze to death?" says the first. ... ... "It's ver...
Hillary and Chelsea was sitting around a table having the mother/daughter talk. Hillary asks, "You and this boy have been dating for several years, have you had sex?" Chelsea replies, "No. Not according to Dad."...
I finally got around to going fishing this morning but after a while I ran out of worms. Then I saw a cottonmouth with a frog in his mouth, and frogs are good bass bait. ... ... Knowing the snake couldn't bite me with the frog in his mouth, I grabb...
100 MILE AN HOUR GOAT ... ... Two rednecks are out hunting, and as they are walking along they come upon a huge hole in the ground. ... ... They approach it and are amazed by the size of it. The first hunter says "W...
"Why such a long face John?" asked the other seaman. "I don't know," said John "maybe It's just that we've been at sea for so long and I'm so depressed I can't seem to do anything right. Most the time I feel so alone and usel...
... It's the dead of winter, but I wanna go boating... ... so I should totally get one of these! ... Although waterskiing would really really suck!!!...
A business man got on an elevator. ... When he entered, there was a blonde already inside who greeted him with a bright, "TGIF". ... He smiled at her and replied, "SHIT" ... She looked puzzled and repeated, "TGIF", more ...
Three women: one engaged, one married, and one a mistress, are chatting ... about their relationships and decide to amaze their men....that night all ... three will wear a leather bodice S&M style, stilettos and mask over their ... eyes After a f...
So ... The Detroit 1st grade teacher asks the class, "What kind of a sound does a duck make?" Little Mary answers, "Quack quack" Very good Mary. "What kind of a sound does a cow make?" Little Bobby answers, "Moo, Mo...
... PROOF THAT MEN HAVE BETTER FRIENDS ... ... FRIENDSHIP AMONG WOMEN: ... A woman didn't come home one night. The next morning she told her husband that she had slept over at a friend's house. The man called his wife's 10 best friends. None of t...
This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all these blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid. So, she decides to show her husband that blondes really are smart. ... ... While her husband is off at work, she decides t...
An East Texas couple, both real-live rednecks, had 9 children. They went to ... the doctor to see about getting the husband "fixed". The doctor asked them why, after nine children woul...
Little Johnnie's neighbor had a baby. ... Unfortunately, the baby was born without ears. ... When mother and new baby came home from the hospital, ... Johnnie's family was invited over to see the baby. ... Before they left their house, Little Johnnie...
... Not sure If ya'll watched it a couple of years ago but Ralph Harris was the best. Last year it sucked and I am not sure how this year is going, some of them seem to have wit, who know's ...
A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is Politics?" ... ... Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I am the head of the ... family, so call me The President. ... ... Your mother is the administrator of the ...
You are in the middle of some kind of project around the house. Mowing the lawn, putting a new fence in, painting the living room, or whatever. You are hot and sweaty. Covered in dirt or paint. You have your old work clothes on. You know the outfit, ...
"Why I fired my secretary" ... ... Last week was my birthday and I didn't feel very well waking up that ... morning. ... ... I went downstairs for breakfast hoping my wife would be pleasant and ... say, "Happy Birthday!"...
How To Shower Like a Woman: ... ... Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to ... lights and darks. ... ... Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. ... ... If you see husband along the way, cover up any expos...
A monkey is sitting in a tree smoking a joint, when a lizard walks past, looks up, and says to the monkey "Hey, what're you doing?" The monkey replies, "Smokin' a joint, come up and have some." So the lizard climbs up the tree, si...
